Household Possessions
by DarkeStar
Summary: Heero thinks his toilet is possessed. He takes this matter to Duo. Continued to part two, inspiration struck. May or may not be continued in form of other ficlets of similar theme or following this one. At this point consider it complete.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Household Possessions

Author: Darkestar

Pairings: Nothing really noticeable

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own them (the characters, environment, concept) but I do own the plot and the ideas herein and any original characters I may add.

Summary: Heero thinks his toilet is possessed.

Note: Not sure if this will be continued or not, or what I might do with it, but I thought it was vaguely amusing.

* * *

"The toilet in my room is possessed."

"The toilet in your room is possessed," Duo repeated under his breath.

"Yes."

The mug he was holding under the faucet overflowed, sending hot water over his hand and down his wrist. With a muttered curse he twisted the hot water off and emptied the cup in the sink, shook it out and put it upside down in the rack.

"Possessed?"

"Yes. I was standing at the sink, washing my hands, and it was making noises."

"So you'd just used it. They generally make noises if you use it properly."

"I had not just used it."

Duo turned from wiping the counter down. Heero was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed loosely over his chest. "Then why were you washing your hands?"

"Does it matter? It doesn't change the fact the toilet's possessed."

"I highly doubt the toilet is possessed."

"Normal toilets do not start to whine for no reason."

Duo sighed. "Told you we should have gotten a dog."

"Back to the point please."

"Why were you washing your hands?"

Heero sighed. "I'd sneezed."

"Thus you were washing your hands."

"Yes."

"I don't get it."

"It was a rather unexpected sneeze."

"I am so not following your train of thought."

"It doesn't really matter why I was washing my hands. The point is it's possessed."

"Go exorcise it then."

"It is not in my job description to handle demonic toilets," Heero informed him

"And it's in mine?" Duo called after him.

"Being the one with the basic religious background, yes."

* * *

Duo glared at the toilet. He wasn't exactly surprised when the toilet did nothing back. Experimentally he turned the water on; nothing. He settled on the edge of the tub and put together a shopping list in his mind to pass the time before he went out and told Heero to exorcise his own damn toilet.

The toilet began to whine.

"Damn it Heero. You were Gundam pilot, I think you'd be able to tell when it's running," he grumbled. "You can buy a damn kit at the store to fix that."

He went off to tell Heero as much. After all, he wasn't going to do Heero's domestic repairs.

* * *

Heero studied the newly fixed toilet as he washed his hands. It really had needed the replacement – certainly explained why the water bill had been higher that past month – but that didn't change much of anything. 

"Duo's an idiot." He glared at the toilet. "And you're evil."

"Thank you."

"Shut up."

Next stop: library.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: The toaster told me to.

* * *

"Heero seems to think his toilet is possessed."

"Really? Rather serious business, then."

Duo eyed Quatre suspiciously. "Possessed toilets?"

"Oh yes, of course. I once had a possessed toaster. Caused no end of trouble."

"A possessed toaster?"

"Quite so."

"I see…"

Quatre continued to serenely drink his tea.

"Oh, I get it. You two are having me on, aren't you? Heero muttering under his breath about demonic toilets and eyeing the other appliances warily and you with your possessed toaster story."

"First I've heard of Heero's possessed toilet," Quatre informed his cheerfully. "Would you like some cookies?"

"Are they possessed cookies?"

"Goodness, I hope not." He turned to study a plastic container on the kitchen counter. "No, I think we're fine."

Duo tapped his fingers against the table, giving Quatre a Look. Quatre smiled on.

"How can you tell?"

"Tell what?"

"If the cookies are possessed? You didn't even look at the cookies. You looked at the box the cookies are in."

"You can just tell."

"Right." Duo only managed to keep his eye roll to a minimum.

Quatre gave him a chiding look. "You should be supportive of Heero in his time of need."

"In his time of possessed toilets?"

"I'm sure it's very stressful for him. Having his best friend make light of his situation won't help at all."

Duo studied Quatre very carefully. "You can't be serious."

"Oh yes. He needs your understanding, support and love."

"Quatre."

"Yes?"

Duo tried and failed to think of a suitable response. He shook his head, didn't even bother to suppress the eye roll. "Right."

"You should be a bit more mature about this."

"Says the person telling me to be serious about possessed toilets and toasters."

Quatre nodded.

"Okay. Fine. I can do with a bit of crazy hour. How did you know your toaster was possessed?"

"Well, it made funny noises occasionally."

"Ah. Noises," Duo said wisely. "Yes. A sure sign of possession."

"_Funny_ noises."

"As if there would be any other kind in this conversation."

"I think it thought it was a chicken, sometimes. It would cluck and stuff."

"How terrible."

"And it seemed to have something against my favorite brand of bread." He frowned a little at the thought.

"It must have been a very evil toaster."

"I'm not so sure if it was evil so much as misunderstood."

"Ah. Misunderstood," Duo said wisely.

Quatre eyed him.

"Carry on."

"It would toast the bread funny, too."

"Doing things funny. Yes. Sure sign of a misunderstood appliance."

Quatre eyed him a little bit more.

"Toasting bread?" Duo prompted.

"Yes. One side would be practically burned black and the other would pretty much still be bread."

"Wow. How completely possessed that sounds."

"I'm catching the sarcasm over here."

"And yet you keep letting me throw it."

Quatre sniffed. "Anyway, it was more of a naughty toaster than evil."

Duo tried not to choke on his own tea (Quatre had insisted). "Naughty toaster."

"Mmhm." Quatre smiled serenely. "You ought not try to breathe and drink at the same time. It's not good for you."

"I'll remember that."

"But, yes. See? It was more of a low level possession."

"Versus a… high level possession, like that of a toilet?"

"Could be, could be."

"And I don't suppose the heating coils on one side of your toaster might just not have been working…?"

Quatre gave him a look. "No, I really don't think it was that."

"How do you know?"

"See, I thought I could live with a possessed toaster. It's not the toaster's fault, after all. So I decided I'd just toast for half the time and then turn the toast around and toast the other."

"And…?"

"Well, the burned side just got more burned. It was rather vexing."

"…You're having me on."

Quatre shook his head most sincerely. "Poor toaster." He looked vaguely guilty. "It was after I started trying that that it began to cluck. I think I pushed it over the edge."

"Right."

"It was just awful really."

"So. How did you make your toaster unpossessed?"

"Oh, well." He shifted a little. A sort of precursor to a squirm. "I didn't actually."

"So what did you do?"

He gave Duo a bit of a contritely sheepish look. "I sort of gave it away."

"Right."

He gave a little nod.

"Sort of?"

"Well. I packed it up and sent it off to my sisters with some other stuff I didn't need."

"And how do they feel about this possessed toaster?"

"They haven't said anything about it. I think, though, that the toaster has just settled down. It's made some new friends, you see. Some other toasters. Good influences."

"Right."

Quatre brightened. "Maybe Heero's toilet just needs a friend."

"Yeah, about that." Duo checked his watch. "Oh, look at the time. Well, I'll be sure to suggest to Heero that he should install a second toilet in his bathroom. I'm sure he'll find that quite helpful. Have yourself a very unpossessed day."

"And you too." Quatre latched onto Duo with a hug as Duo tried to sidle away from the table. "Would you like some cookies to go?"

"I think it would be best not to right now. The crazy seems to be contagious."

Quatre let him go. "All right. I'll see you later."

"I'd imagine so."

"And Duo," Quatre called out after him. "Be sure to give Heero lots of hugs right now. Love and support, Duo. Love and support."


End file.
